It's a fall, not a fail.

A few things in my life prompted this thought today.
Mainly, I fell at work.

The bathroom floor was recently washed. Right after I walked in my feet flew out from under me, I failingly grasped at the sink, and the garbage can toppled onto my head as I experienced that brief moment of sheer terror that we all know, "AM I GOING TO DIE?!"
The following 5 seconds I played a game common amongst toddlers, "do I cry or laugh?"
I got up and spent the first 20 minutes of my shift laughing as I thought of my terrific fall from grace.

Besides my less-than-agile endeavors, I have also been talking with some dear friends about what to do when you fall off the clean-diet band wagon.  You have a real good thing goin', you're feeling hot and pumped, and on your A-game in the gym and in the kitchen when all of a sudden you start slipping.  1 pizza and 6 krispy kremes later you wonder who took your self-control and if that hooligan also stole your fries.  That's a little dramatic but we've all had those weekends in which we indulged a little more than planned and feel a little lost.  Here's the thing: when you're on your back in the bathroom of a steak and seafood restaurant, chances are you're going to get back up.  With diet and exercise, you have a few more obstacles in the way but the decision is the same: stay put on that tile floor that's covered in self-doubt or get up and rock your bod?

It's a choice and it's one that may be made over and over again.  Even the most seasoned fitness enthusiast will slip every once in a while (that's also called being human) but those times become less common and getting up gets a little easier.

We all fall...I usually physically and literally fall while running, walking, or apparently, at work, about 6-7 times a year.  That's probably a bit higher than normal but I was never really good at hop-scotch, sue me.  We also all fall in the kitchen and in the gym.  But like I do when I land on the pavement or on a tile floor, I get back up.  Make the choice, laugh it off, and slap on a band-aid that comes in the form of an awesome workout and a delicious clean meal.

Go hard and go home

This is going to be relatively short and enormously effective. 
Like your workouts can be.

One of the reasons why people opt to stay on the couch is because they have this daunting idea that a good workout takes hours on end.  False.  If you had the time today to watch a 1/2hr sitcom (sitcom, really? I belong in the '50s) you had the time to do something great for your body. 

Make your workouts count.  Keep them intense (no lollygaggling by the water fountain or spending 5 minutes waiting for pandora to put on 'that song') and make them smart.  I used to spend hours on that dang conveyer belt of a treadmill and if I didn't have 3 hours blocked off to go to the gym "I couldn't workout today."  Oh to be young and naive.  Talk to a fitness professional about the specifics of your workout but know that time isn't an excuse. 

Go hard (shout out Jay-Z) and go home.

Sir Isaac Newton-killin' it since 1642

"An object at rest tends to stay at rest, an object in motion tends to stay in motion."

Isaac Newton clearly hit up his 24hr sports club on the reg. and ate a clean diet.  In doing so he recognized one of the the most incredible benefits of a healthy lifestyle: it gets easier!  Probably THE hardest part of working out is getting up off that couch or computer chair and into your Nikes.  If your body is used to sitting still it will, (as our randy scholar noted) want to continue to sit.  If you get up and move, it will continue to move.

The human body was designed to do some pretty flipping awesome things.  If we were meant to sit still, a beanbag with a head on top would've sufficed.  Instead we're filled with tendons, and fibers, and muscles, oh my!  Maybe those muscles have been hanging out in the attic for a while, gathering dust, and wondering if they'll be put to use soon.  The hardest part is blowing off those cobwebs and making it WORK.  They may say, "wtff?!#$" for a little while but pretty soon that will turn into "omg!:):)"

Once you get moving and recognize that the beanbag is starting to get some delightful physical benefits, the "getting started" will turn into a habit impossible to ignore.  Granted there are some days when even the most physically-dedicated fellow needs a break.  You don't think our friend Isaac hit up the local watering hole every once in a while?  Take time to rest but realize that once it's a habit, you're going to feel better moving.

As hard as it may seem some days, lace up those sneaks and get out there.  If lacking motivation, think of Big Sir Isaac who believed in this theory so passionately, he turned it into a law;)

I feel like a balloon and look like I have leprosy-post show transitions

A week after a show I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry...how about be really sexy and do both at once?!  Looking at all the pictures of THE day is both motivating and slightly depressing.  At this point my beauteous glowing tan looks like a diesase in some places, mud in others, and splotches of casper-white skin are starting to peek through.  Although I haven't indulged in anything crazy I feel puffy and sluggish.  I find myself hanging out with my dog because I'm 85% sure she doesn't judge me.

Especially for women this feeling of wanting to put a sleeping bag over your body is going to happen for a little while.  Unless you want to throw on your clear 5inch heels, cover your face in a pound of makeup, and spend an hour doing your hair, you're not going to look exactly like you did on THE day a week ago.  THE day is a big, special day for that very reason: it doesn't happen everyday.  Recognizing that human beings aren't supposed to stride the streets like that on a daily basis is an important realization to help your post-competition transition.  It's one I'm still trying to master and one that really separates seasoned athletes and us newbies.

What do you do?!  Well, you have control over some things like your diet-if you eat pizza every meal for an entire week CHANCES are you're not going to look or feel amazing.  Keep it clean for the most part and your body will thank you.  Do something that feels good that doesn't have anything to do with exercise or similar shenanigans-Will Ferrell movies are fantastic during this time.  Try to remember that other part of you, you know the one filled with family, friends, jobs, school, uh LIFE?! Engage in that for a while.

Regardless though, you may not look or feel on your A-game for a while.  That's okay, the time to frolick in stripper heels/posing suits will come again.  Until then, hang out with a non-judgemental pet and remember there's a lot more to life than posing half-nude on a stage.

It's a Choice, Not a Burden.

This is a bit of a rant and more serious than I normally am but it's something that has been on my mind for a while.  Regarding a mentality I often see in bodybuilding and fitness life.  The thought that we (those heavily involved in this lifestyle) are for some undeserving reason, better than others.  Time and again I see statuses or hear talk about how what we're doing is "not for the weak" or how "I sacrificed everything for my dream."  Some think of themselves as iron warriors to be bowed down to.  Puhhlease.  We're not curing cancer, we're not saving lives.  We're making choices that are indeed tough but not to be admired like some feel they deserve.

Yes, it's hard at times but it's a CHOICE.  When we're hungry it's because we've chosen to diet, it's not because we're like the millions of people around the world who are literally starving and unable to do anything about it.  When we can't get off the couch it's because we chose to do a killer leg workout the day before, not because we are without limbs and handicapped.  When we spend another weekend night at home it's because we are choosing to go to bed early, not because it's unsafe to leave our homes when it gets dark out.  Oh you want to update your status about how you're watching friends scarf down fries while you take out your tupperware of chicken?  You are an able-bodied, conscious, individual who has the opportunity to eat when they want, where they want, surrounded by friends!  And you have a smartphone!  Holy mackerel you are a lucky son of a gun, stop acting like it's a terrible burden that you're eating chicken again.

I absolutely admit that I am guilty of this and constantly try to tell myself how lucky I am.  It's sometimes fun to comically complain with other competitors about prep hardships but keeping the bigger picture in the forefront is necessary.

I apologize to any cancer-curing, paralyzed, poverty stricken body building/bikini (etc) competitors, hats off to you. 

"But I'm not hungry in the morning."

Oi vey.
That sentence is quite common and one I personally can't quite relate to.  Half the reason I'm motivated to get my feet to the floor in the morning is because I know I get to go eat.  Food is a friend, not a foe to be avoided, and you want to get chummy with it bright and early. You want to "break-the-fast" your body has been in all night and get it revved up for another day.  It's a machine and well, it needs to stop at the gas pump to be replenished.

So pull into that Dunkins on the way to work and get a half dozen....PYSCH!  Try to get in a complex carb, some protein, and a little healthy fat as well and you will be chirpin' with those damn birds in no time.

Cardio Queen to Iron Machine

Why am I running 8 miles a day and not seeing muscle? Why don't I feel tight and toned when I can run half-marathons on a days notice? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T EAT A HALF GALLON OF FROZEN YOGURT, I WAS AT THE GYM FOR 3 HOURS TODAY.

The caps are necessary, believe me.

The biggest changes I have made to my physique did not come from elipticals, treadmills, or stairmasters.  It comes from 2 sources: nutrition (more on the lovely world of no sugar later) and weights.  Weights...as in iron, as in deadlifts, as in squats, and oh my word, "you like, bench press?!"  Tis simple: lift weights up, put weights down, eventually (with other factors involved) you see muscle.  Muscle is like a 5 year old with attention defecit issues, it needs to DO something even when it's resting and will burn calories.  Fat shows up at the party and is content sitting on the couch.

Ladies, you will not get bulky, gaining muscle is hard. Lift heavy...lifting heavy means different numbers for different people (I strain at 20lb curls, sorry I'm not sorry).  Lift with proper form, don't do something and not get all the benefits from it!

See that guy in the wife beater who's looking around like he owns those dumbells? He doesn't.  Head over there and show Ed Hardy what's up.

Well heck

Well heck, I've decided to blog.
Why?
A few very good reasons I think:
1.  I'm often asked about my future fitness plans-typing them into cyberspace holds me accountable.
2.  People seem to think I know what the heck I'm doing and ask for advice, this will allow me to give those PRICELESS tips.
3.  I want to track my progress (mental and physical) and an old school paper notebook usually just ends up under my bed with dust on it.
4.  I humor myself often, I'd love to share my giggles with others.
5.  My life is SO EXCITING it just needs to be shared.

Also, while I usually am pretty darn happy and chipper, there are times (especially during prep) that I am a little spandex-wearing monster.  I made a vow to not complain (outloud) during my next pre-contest escapade...this will help me get my frustrations out while not annoying and hurting my loved ones in the process. 

Badda-bing, badda-boom.