Life gives lemons- squeeze and drink that juice in stride.

This is a bit of a long one so grab the vino or sparkling water and pop a squat.  In the past few entries I've mentioned my experience of dealing with back pain and was without any kind of answer until very recently.  So, with words that are hopefully perceived as nothing but humble, I want to share some of the journey.

I took the photo below about a month ago and about 6 hours after I found out I had a chronic disease that can not be cured with latest science.  (That sounds incredibly dramatic but since I'm newly engrossed in the series, Homeland, I enjoy a climactic tone).

Allow me to explain:
Earlier that day I had spoken with my doctor who informed me that my blood work came back with some interesting results. Firstly, (she said energetically) my cholesterol levels were outstanding with a Total level at 141. Fabulous! 

Secondly (she said hesitantly) I tested positive for the most accurate (but not final) blood test for ankylosing spondylitis, an inflammatory disease that can cause some of the vertebrae in the spine to fuse together.  Delightful.

At my preliminary appointment she had ordered this test to "rule it out" and asked me if I had heard of it.  Why yes, I laughed and said I had on Jam'n 94.5.  The commercial, an awareness message of the disease and heard on numerous radio stations, features an unnecessary creepy male voice that should be on a preview for a horror movie. So yes, I had heard of it and was happy to cross it off the list of possible causes for my back pain.

Ohhh life, you funny broad...you got me.

As first my reaction was one of hyperventilating on the phone to my very level-headed boyfriend.  Then of course, SOBBING to my understanding mother.  Many tears and a blubbering, snoze-covered face later, I realized how blessed I was and the positivity has turned the pain over 10 fold.

A few things happen when you're told you're likely to have a condition that cannot be cured (from my, personal, very limited experience).
  
1. You deal with it.  Life goes on and work must be tended to.  Chicken must be cooked and bananas must be bought.  The man at the gas station has no idea you were just given information that shattered your somewhat premature mind.  You do your laundry because you can't go commando...again.  You roll with it because life doesn't allow you to do otherwise.

2. You discover relief.  The unknown is a relentless scare.  Not knowing what was causing this pain was, I think, half the discomfort.

3. You realize, how damn lucky you are.  So it's arthritis that I will have forever.  I am not dealing with the many diseases that plague and hinder the world.  I am not visiting a doctor in the fight for my life, I am visiting a doctor in the fight for my COMFORT...how lucky am I to live in a place where my genuine comfort is essential.

4. You discover the power of positive psychology and the undeniable mind body connection.  This power will amaze me for the rest of my life.  Once I met with my doctor and she informed me that not only is an active lifestyle of weight lifting and cardio-based movement okay, it's prescribed, it felt like my body had been given permission to feel better.  Once the mind is given information and the mentality changes with it, the body can adjust as well.  When I worked out and felt discomfort, it wasn't as painful knowing I couldn't further hinder my body.

The combination of these realizations have produced some incredible results I didn't think possible only weeks prior.  The choice to accept, to give gratitude and not spite, to physically move and not surrender, was not a hard one.  I am lucky enough to have an innately positive mind and this happened to be a test not only for my consciousness, but my physical body as well.  To my surprise and amazement, the two worked in a seamless unit like a freaking tandem bicycle.  The pain has been accepted and pushed and my body hasn't felt this healthy in 8 months.

The pain is certainly still present and in a way I hope it always is.  On good days when I'm able to workout I literally lift and GRIN from the genuine joy of movement.  The appreciation of action is not sincere until it's taken away.  On hard days when the pain is too strong, I revel in the other characteristics that make me, ME...not just counting on my disciplined workouts for proof of what I offer as a human being.  

The body will always amaze me and the mind always has.  To experience the power of the two working together in the way that I have is a lesson I thank my lucky stars for.  

After the tears were brushed off and the snoze-covered face cleaned, what was left was me.  An eager smile ready for the next step... and thankful for the ability to take it.