I read an article this morning that was a little sad and even a little comical. It was written almost 2 years ago, entitled, "My Life, My Passion" and was written by a young lady named Courtney Cronin.
Hey that's me!
The article, written a month after I completed my last show of my long competition season, seems foreign to me now. The words I expressed were true, were sincere, and the emotions quite accurate. And now, seem like a different person wrote them. The blog post from November 2012 was, I recall, a bit difficult for me to write. As I normally enjoy writing about peanut butter, puppies, and protein powder, this post was exposing and open; I wrote of my past experiences with food apprehension and uncertainties with body image, eating, and self-worth. I explained in 2012 how grateful I was to have the sport of bodybuilding, that my goals to succeed in the sport were far greater than my insecurities. I wrote that the destructive thoughts and actions towards my body were not worth the potential success I could have in the sport.
From the post, I quote, "I want SO badly to be a successful bikini competitor and fitness model that I can't do those harmful things."
Two years ago this silly, little hobby was my life. It was my passion and my focus. To give some insight, I was living with my mom, working as a waitress a few nights a week, and making half-hearted attempts at finding a career. I would spend my days in the weight room, on the step mill, making fun fitness food, and Instagramming. I was in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend, but at the time thought our similarities and love for each other was because of our shared fitness lifestyle.
I was happy and incredibly, incredibly, naive.
In the last two years I've done a couple things, here are a few, in semi-chronological order:
-I got a job as an Executive Assistant in the Boston area.
-Said professional job ended up being the most extreme learning experience of my life and I was handed responsibilities and expectations of an experienced professional.
-I lived by myself in a small, 2 room studio in a run down neighborhood with very questionable neighbors.
-I worked 70 hours a week for a period of time that felt like years.
-I moved in with my boyfriend.
-I was promoted to a managerial role.
-I began experiencing severe back pain and all over body discomfort and wasn't able to lift weights or happily swing my legs out of bed for 6 months.
-I couldn't run 10 ft. without extreme pain.
-I learned I had early onset arthritis and the importance of pain management.
-I started respecting my body for being the vessel that enabled me to go to the grocery store, mail a letter, type an email, and walk down the street.
-I left my job and attained one in a completely different field.
-I was promoted at this job after a couple months and became the Corporate Recruiter for a respectable Technology firm.
-My boyfriend and I moved again.
-We got a puppy.
-I achieved my first commission.
-My boyfriend and I started looking at homes to buy and planning our future.
-I was happy and not so naive.
None of the things mentioned above have anything to do with competing, fitness, or modeling. They have to do with life. Real life. Real struggle and real success. During the last two years, health and wellness have still absolutely been part of my life. Just viewed with a very different perspective.
I started prepping for some fall shows about a month ago and remember I am about 5 quick times a day when I eat and once when I workout. The rest of the day is filled with life. With work, with ambition, with tasks, and with love. My mentality towards this sport could not be more different than 2 years ago. I want to do well, of course, I'm a competitive person. But I've realized there is so much more to my life than this silly, little hobby. That I am much more than this hobby.
Here's a new quote, "I want SO badly to be a successful, respectable, loving person that I can't do those harmful things to myself because I am so much more."
I look forward to the upcoming season, it's fun! I love having a goal and getting ready for some exciting, tan, bikini-filled days.
However, my focus, my goals, and my passion are far from strutting on that stage. They are everyday. They are hard work, they are tasks, they are bonuses, they are hugs, they are laughter, they are life.
I've achieved more in the last two years than I ever could onstage and while frolicking onstage is fun, frolicking in life is now My Life, My Passion.
