I recently posted a picture to my Instagram and Facebook accounts that seemed to surprise and educate a few people- a bit more so than my usual posts of peanut butter, protein shakes and puppies.
The picture, shown below, was to recognize the appealing advertising efforts of drug, supplement, and diet programs. Highlighting the drastic and alluring differences in "Before and After" photos that attract a consumer to purchase these products.
These pictures were taken about 20 minutes apart (took me a hot second to find a clean, attractive bra). I improved my posture, threw on a smile, and turned on a light switch.
My hope was two-fold:
1. Educate consumers on the truth behind pictures associated with weight loss products. Many people will view a photo, believe they too will reap the benefits of the product and will purchase them without truly knowing the risks they may cause. Many of these before and after photos also advertise the short amount of time it will take to reach their desired physique. Unless you're Superwoman who trains with Thor, you are not going to see healthy, long term results quickly. A lifestyle of whole foods and activity will produce real and sincere results but will...take...time.
2. The people in those photos are...people. A fitness model doesn't walk around looking like he/she popped out of a magazine nor should they. Fit individuals get bloated, they have a rat nests of hair, they get puffy, they get wedgies. I am in the process of truly accepting all this delightful stuff myself. If you're looking for a change and look to photos like these for motivation, be careful. The pictures are designed to look perfect...not candidly realistic.
Photos are encouraging but should be taken with a grain of salt. Instead of focusing on aesthetic values, focus on...value. Sincere confidence. A new, positive outlook. Shiny hair. Swinging your legs out of bed. Keeping up with your energetic dog. Strong teeth. Poise and self-assurance. Improved relationships.
And my personal favorite: appreciation and amazement at what the human body is capable of.
Transformation takes time and it will never be perfect. Accept and recognize that you may be a fit person but you are still a person.
Perfectly flawed and beautifully blemished.
I haven't seriously thought of, approached, or contemplated a new blog post since January. While laptops, computers, my fingers, and keyboards have certainly been present in those 10 months, my zest for writing about all things fitness were set on the back burner. With a new, high-stress job, a lower back that would rival a 90 year olds and a couple of cross-state moves, I was left with many questions about my new identity and not a whole lot of time to answer them.
A lot happens in 10 months. Especially with the delightful trifecta of situations listed above. During my last blog post in January I was living in New Hampshire, working at a Steak and Seafood Restaurant and looking for a career oriented job. I had ample time to do whatever the hell I wanted. For me, that was working out for a few hours of the day, reading fitness blogs and magazines, cooking my clean foods, making fun recipes, taking pictures of my dog and working for a few hours a night. My hardest decisions were chunky or smooth and triceps or quads. Life was GREAT.
Overnight I moved to Boston, began a fast-paced job where 12 hour days were the norm, and wondered why I had ever responded to that damn job ad. No longer did I have time to contemplate if I should have 1 or 2 tablespoons of peanut butter...if I had 30 seconds it was lid off, spoon in, get that fuel down. I would workout before work or after work, or between work, taking any time I could to get it in. I was in over my little noggin and thought longingly over the days when I had time to peruse stage bikinis online. Real life hit me like a dumbbell to the head.
A few months into this real life escapade, my increasingly sore back became rather immobile. I woke up sore and went to bed wincing. As a competitor, I love feeling muscle soreness...this was muscle wrongness. With limited workouts, long days, and sincere fatigue, I became unhapy with myself and rather frustrated with this foreign body I was living in. My workouts were my source of happiness, a way to break up the day and relieve the stress that had piled on my deltoids...now they were decreased to Physical Therapy exercises, stretching, and eye rolls.
I was left with the question..."WHO AM I?!"
My perceived identity was shifting and I was not the happiest little camper about it. A considerable part of who I thought I was was changing- I could no longer PHYSICALLY be the girl who worked out for 2 hours a day and had a competition every season (God forbid.)
I could no longer measure my fitness success in squatting a heavier weight, sprinting a faster mile and completing more pushups than I had before. I wasn't able to get up at 5am, whip on my sneakers, and shoot out for a quick run. Each "workout" (yes air quotes because I'm still a taaad disgruntled) consisted of a lengthy amount of foam rolling, stretching, and PT exercises that took a substantial amount of time and didn't result in a whole lot of satisfaction.
Such, such, trivial problems in the world. I understand, realize, and acknowledge that. My "problem" is potatoes to so many others. However, it's all relative. In order to make myself the best individual I can be in the world, I needed to come to peace with the situation. I've decided, and am absolutely still learning everyday, that this is one heck of a life lesson.
So I've answered: who am I now?
I am lucky.
I am a woman with a career who has never worked so hard in her life. I am a daughter to the most incredible mother in the world. I am the best friend of over 15 years to the most passionate, hilarious soul in the universe. I am the girlfriend to the sweetest, gentlest man I've ever met. I am a mature adult who can slowly pay off school loans that I never thought I'd be able to afford. I am a clean eater who loves whole, real food and sharing this dedication with others. I am the owner of a smile that I love sharing and helps on the days when I don't want to grin. I am hilarious to no one but myself with a sense of humor that keeps me giggling when the internal light gets a bit dim.
I am a student of life and health, of recognizing that well-being is whole-being.
And ultimately, this journey is teaching me that I am strong-
physically as I've always desired and now mentally, as I've always been meant to be.
My workouts have never been better, my energy levels have never been higher, and my jeans have never been tighter.
Three months into my off season and I'm really gettin' the groove. I'm finding that with each day, each meal, and each workout, it can be just as rewarding as the process of prep. For those who aren't familiar, an off season is a period of time to recover from prep-mode, replenish the body, and hopefully grow and improve so you look DIFFERENT and BETTER at the next show.
Included in this are nom noms, also known as NOMS, or to the lay person, food. Just as food plays a vital role in prep, if you do a proper off season, noms are key. In the past I let my insecurities get the best of me and worry I'd gain weight after a show (hi my name's Naive, what's yours?). I'd jump into crazy-cardio mode, neglect the weight room, and eat a few saltines after a workout thinking that these little squares of air would maintain my stage body. Now I have gotten a little direction and far, far larger goals.
I used to worry that if I fully embraced an offseason I'd go cray cray with pizza, ice cream, cheese doodles, and nachos. Apparently I thought my tastebuds and cravings would change as well. No. I've said it before, I'll say it again: if you're used to eating clean foods, you'll enjoy clean food. Now I'm just eating more of it. Potatoes, oats, whole wheat bread, and my personal lovers, Sir Peanut and Lady Almond Butter are all on the docket and helping me feel like a spitfire of a broad.
These clean foods work for me. For others it IS a time of pizza and nachos (and yes I have my cheat meals). But I have found that this makes my body, mind, and mentality feel on track and so, so motivated.
It can be just as rewarding as prep. When I throw up dumbells I couldn't have imagined lifting last prep, I get a thrill. When I take jeans out of the dryer and do the incredibly attractive wiggle dance to get them over my growing derriere, I think of how my donk will look onstage next show. When I try on a New Year's Eve dress and my shoulders look like they could rival Tom Bradys', I smile at the thought of a well proportioned silhouette.
It's different but with the right mindset, can be just as rewarding.
So my jeans are tighter yes. But this offseason I've found that with focus, determination, the right mentality, and proper guidance, these hips aren't the only thing growing...my smile and goals have certainly gone up a couple sizes as well:)
